“We trust because of His abilities, not ours!”
I almost titled this post “Doubt” due to a recent dip of discouragement; but then I came across the above quote scribbled in my journal from one of those “awaken in the night” writing moments. While half asleep, I had titled the quote “Fabulous Trust” so today I write about trust instead.
Trust is not fabulous unless the source is from outside of ourselves. Trust comes to me from the One who helps my heart sigh in peace when all seems impossible. I do not quiet my frantic doubt nor settle my disturbed mind, God does.
This reality struck me anew as I have reeled from the Writers’ Conference I attended over the weekend. I spent hours listening to modern-day Renaissance writers who have developed their craft into thriving businesses by doing it all!
Their workshops captivated me and I found myself day dreaming of working fulltime at the demanding, all-consuming tasks of today’s modern writer: writing, editing, speaking, marketing….the list goes on. So many of them inspired me, Kathi Lipp and her husband really got me thinking about my future marketing plan. B.J. Taylor provoked thoughts about joining a writers’ group and sending out article submissions. Yet when I returned home, the reality of my fulltime career brought on an episode of doubt as I wondered how I could ever do all that was required.
I doubted whether I had what it takes to grow into a published writer. I doubted my identity as a blogger. I doubted my destiny.
Then I returned to the classroom and the doubt didn’t have time to possess my mind any longer. My dreariness drizzled as a steady stream of students knocked at my door before school, during classes, and at lunch. Their frantic requests for using my technology resources came because they do not have computers, the internet, printers, or ink at home; these are crucial for completing required academic projects:
“Mrs. Luna, can I use one of your computer to do my science project because I don’t have a computer at home.”
“Mrs. Luna, can you help me to do research for my credit retrieval projects. I need this to graduate and I don’t have a computer at home.”
“Mrs. Luna, can I use your computer to do my social studies project and can my friend come in and do hers too?”
I drove home thinking, “How can I ever leave this job when there is so much need? Maybe God made me a creative eclectic because He knew that was the best way I could inspire so many different youth. Maybe my destiny includes providing the resources these disadvantaged youth need in order to fulfill theirs!”
If this new perspective parted the clouds of depression, the rainbow came with a tribute from a fellow blogger, Dianne, whose talent causes my heart to sing. Like Dianne, I love watercolor painting, making cards, and gardening…I also have lavender growing outside my door.
Dianne’s words provoked deep emotions and pondering. I shared her post with my daughter, Andy, and Dianne’s description of trying to hold onto all of her creative loves, “like a child clutching fistfuls of crayons, I can’t possibly decide which one I could let go of.” inspired Andy to draw her a picture. Select this picture link below to access her post.
So now I feel that familiar unrest that says “there is something more.” I choose to let doubt have its dastardly way because daring to ask the questions eventually brings the answers. We pray and then wait and in time the answers come. As we trust in God’s abilities, clusters of gifting grow up and out of the granite rock of doubt. Those unique to us.
“No, I may never be a famous writer, public speaker, or business genius, but I know one thing for sure; I can have fabulous trust, not because of my abilities but because of His!
If you are in that “in between place” of waiting to hear the next step of your destiny reveal, I would love to hear from you. If you are bold enough to leave a comment, I will gladly respond.