I am the Wizard of Oz
Hiding behind a curtain of my own design
Blogs flashing, words splashing
Mask of purpose firmly in place
All in an attempt to hide my insignificance
Sometimes in the midst of self-doubt, I feel like a charlatan. Just as the Wizard of Oz controlled his masterful devices from behind a veil that masked his small form, I dare to incite illusions of grandeur that crackle, pop, and smoke. Yet, all the while, I doubt whether what I do is real or even important, for that matter. Who are you kidding? wrestles around with hope in the arena of my brain, bouncing off the ropes of sanity.
During these seasons of insecurities, I act “as if” my activities mean something in the eternal scheme of things. This is the only thought that brings me solace.
After so many years of pretending, the charade became a part of who I am. Now, I can no longer separate my present self…writer, artist, educator, from my former identity …disqualified missionary, loser ministry wife, impoverished single mother.
I wonder if anyone else, who dared to believe they could make a difference, ever felt this way. I wonder…
Is pretending to do something life changing all that bad if someone somewhere becomes inspired to live his or her dreams all because I hoped I could live mine?
The answer always returns to me the same, yes! And so… I continue the charade.
What is the message of the Wizard of Oz? The only power he possessed was helping Dorothy wake up from a dream she did not choose so she could find her way back home.
Perhaps there are those of us whose role is much the same. Through our efforts to rise above the mundane, we awaken others from what they assume real life to be. We know that even though they pretend to be happy, all the while they just want to get back home to that place were they feel free to be who they are truly meant to be.
Maybe the cost to us visionaries is that we remain in a suspended dream-like state between what we envision and what is reality.
The Wizard of Oz did not give anything to Dorothy that she did not already possess…except, of course, the belief that she could return to her true self…and in doing so…live the impossible dream.
7 Replies to “The Charade”
Oh, my! My thoughts are jumping around like popcorn in the microwave. What do you see as your limitations? Where is your measure of success? How can we judge reality? The scriptures teach us that not one of us is complete without others; in my opinion we are fluid, sometimes the teacher, sometimes the student, sometimes the brain and sometimes the big toe. I strongly believe that your masks are not intended to hide who you are but to wear as jewelry, plumage, an accessory, a stunningly beautiful expression of one more facet of who you are or may become. Fly, little bird! We are all better for seeing your feathers.
What an amazing comment filled with vivid imagery. I measure success in how closely I can align with what God’s heart wills, and how quickly I can recover from not doing so due to my flawed humanity. I am at best spiritually mute and blind but my heart yearns to hear and see.
My husband and I just returned from watching “The Social Network” and I learned something of what stirs me when I watched the innovation of this group of college youth. Perhaps my blogs are my feathers, a means of flying! Thank you, once again, dear friend for encouraging me to believe!
We’ve never met but I wish I had a friend like you. What a beautiful, giving soul you have!
Thank you so much for visiting and for leaving such a meaningful and special comment. When I read your blog post, your tender honesty deeply touched me. I feel honored that you would visit. One of the blessings blogging gives me is meeting people like you. When another writer’s post resonate within, I hope for an ongoing dialogue.
Your activities MOST CERTAINLY DO mean much in the eternal scheme of things, my talented friend.
Thank you Izzie! I just wish I could continue in my “positive mode” instead of these dips down I seem to take periodically.
Thank you so much for the kind comment you left on my blog. It was nice to know that someone actually read it!
Your post was fascinating; there were several themes running through it that I tend to explore in my own life and thinking processes. Yes, touching one person’s life in a positive way, is worth all the ‘pretending’ we go through. And who says it’s actually pretense? I think it’s more a tentativeness, a hesitation on our part, to live boldly so we ‘pretend’ as we test the waters for our own self-approval as well as that of others.
Oh, poo. I’m being about as clear as mud here. I guess I need to think this through a little more.
Thank you for your insight, and your bold decision to share these thought-provoking nuggets with us.